Jo3

It's been a while since I've had a vivid dream. A real long while. I sort of hoped I was done with them because when I wake up from one, I don't feel like myself, and I'm usually quite exhausted because my mind hasn't really rested. Anyway, last night's feature was me, at age 24, if I was an idiot, essentially. I failed out of high school and had to go back (I know that's not how it really works, but just go with it). I was living at home with my mom and I had zero friends, because I never met anyone through Magic or the program I met the guys through or anything. It was really unpleasant and lonely.

I was watching a movie a few days ago when I came to a realization, and that realization is that I know what is wrong with American cinema, and in fact, most of American media in general. It is not gratuitous violence, and it is not graphic obscenities, it isn't even Rob Zombie as a director (although I do hate him as a director more than anything. I mean, the man is, to horror movies, what Uwe Boll is to video game movies! And don't give me any of that "House of 1000 Corpses" or "Devil's Rejects" was good shit, either. They both sucked.). No, the true scourge of the modern media is a curse, a disease of the mind of screen writers I call WILIFS. WILIFS is an acronym, standing for "We're In Love In Five Seconds" and it just flat out kills ANYTHING it's a part of.

I hate Twilight, I read part of the first book (that was all I could survive) and God damn is that a fine example of it. I mean, think about it, here's this asshat named Eddie who this idiot Bella (FYI, the one true "Bella" of vampire movies is Bella Lagosi) falls madly in love with after knowing for 5 seconds, and why? I don't know, maybe because he's a dick to her and one of his ancestors was a solar powered bedazzler? They never really explain it, she just does, and that is the problem! People have reasons to love someone, and love grows over time, you don't just see someone and love them, trust me, that never goes well. Besides, that's not love, it's lust at best, and a crush most probably.

So this begs the questions "why do people fall in love in five seconds?" and the answer is a three-parter. The first reason is simple, sloppy and bad writing. The second is that it's difficult in a movie to truly portray a long elapse of time, so I guess writers figure "fuck it", and just make people instantly enamored. The third is a bit cynical and maybe a bit misogynistic, but then what two words better describe me? See, women see more movies than men, statistically, so right there that's any movie maker's demographic- females. Now, it's cliche and sexist and all that good stuff, but women like love stories, and traditionally not the most insightful ones either. I know women, I've known maybe three who didn't fall into this stereotype, and about a hundred that do. So, women love love and women see more movies, so that's a good fit, but then why WILIFS brand love? Well, women are more attracted to people they first meet than someone they've known over a long period of time. That's why so many men get stuck in the dreaded friend zone, because they've lost their intrigue and mystery, and I guess women don't like people they can trust (this is also why, statistically, more married women cheat on their spouses than married men).

And that's it. In summation, the disease: WILIFIS (We're In Love In Five Seconds). The causes: bad writing, laziness, greed and bad taste. The cure: STOP SEEING SHITTY MOVIES.

Today I terrified children. Good day.

Happy Halloween!

There ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trays
I got beelz to pay
I got mouse to feed
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The vivid dreams are back. Have been back for about a week or so. How I loathe them. For those of you not in the know, my vivid dreams are dreams that are extremely realistic and which I am granted a certain degree of control over and thought. While this sounds neat, and sometimes it is, it also leaves me exhausted when I wake up because my mind hasn't actually been "off" for a full 8 hours. More often then not, a good chunk of those 8 hours are spent thinking, and that wears me out. Last night I dreamed of going back to Potsdam to finish college, I was wearing my old Psi Phi hoodie, walking around the snowy terrain in that and jeans, and I could feel the cold. I met up with the new Brothers, who I'd seen on Facebook and so my mind was able to render decent versions of, and explored the new House. It was neat and all, but God damn was I tired when I woke up, hell I could barely tell if I was awake or still dreaming.

So I got a flu shot so I wouldn't get sick, however, this was very stupid of me. See, flu shots don't prevent you from getting sick, they just get it over with, and in a watered down fashion. So yeah, I've been sick. I think for now on I'm just going to take my chances on getting the flu, a couple extra days and a sleightly worse illness are worth the venture of potentiality of NOT GETTING SICK AT ALL.

I coughed up some blood this morning. That was new.

I really want to like Flash Forward, the new TV show on ABC. I really want to, but the dialogue is terrible and SO often it just relies on cliche's. It's really the classic example of a good idea done wrong (not to be confused with Lost, which was a good idea gone wrong).

I'm quite obsessed with Risk and Poker these days, and any sort of puzzle or strategy based game. I think for too long I have over-analyzed everything, from friends to family, and it's given me a bit of a taint of untrust. I'm certain this character flaw has laid ruin to relationships before in my past. I'm finally really starting to get a handle on it though, and venting my... curiosity, for lack of better word, through these means is very helpful and enjoyable. I think my calling on this planet is something to do with just figuring shit out.

My sleep schedule is very erratic. One night I'll pass out cold at midnight and wake up at about 8am, the next I can't sleep until 4am and wake up at 2pm. Sucks.

Went out for Joy's birthday yesterday, it was nice. I love Chili's, and Fire and Ice was a neat place to visit. Gonna have to hit that place up again some time.

I'm looking forward to Halloween very much so this year.

It's funny how much people can change. Personally, I know I have changed a lot over the past few years. I really have lost most of my ambitions and concerns, not to mention my ideals, and have essentially become disinterested with the world at large. There was a time not too long ago when I was a very serious person, but really, where's the fun in that? The more we try to be in control, the more effort we must exert, and so really, we ultimately lose control of ourselves and our destiny when we try to be assertive and dominant. Even trying to be loose is too much effort, because again, trying to be something requires constant vigilance. True freedom comes from apathy.

The less I care about my own state in the world, the more relaxed I become, and the greater control I am granted. It's ironic, to have complete authority over one's destiny, one must not care about it.

For anyone and everyone who enjoys the classic boardgame of Risk, I highly recommend this website: http://www.fellowshipofluca.com/index.asp?131

I go by JoeThree on there, if you decide to give it a go, post in my replies your handle on there.

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.

I went to the gym for the first time today in about a year. I worked out so hard it hurts. Like, really hurts. Like, I'm sore all over and can barely lift my arms hurt. Ah well.

Yesterday I packed up my life for the nth time and moved into a very nice apartment complex with Andy and Mandy. My new place kicks ass.

I slept for 33 hours straight. No food, no water, only getting up to pee. Good times.

I went to visit my Grandpa Myron today. With my other Grandpa dead and my father, well, I wish he was dead, he's the closest thing I have left to a real paternal figure. It wasn't bad. Normally I feel sort of put off by him since we have nothing in common and are completely different people, but we got along well today. He's 80 now and really sick, but he seemed to come alive when he saw me and my mom and sister, so I was happy to do that for him. All in all, a nice day.

So yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning, I had an asthma attack. Simple really, have them all the time what with the mold in my apartment. So, I go to take a puff of my inhailer... and it was empty. After an hour of trying to sleep or catch my breath I called 911. An ambulance came and immediately treated me, then I was taken to the hospital where, for 7 hours, I laid on a bed that was about a foot too small for me. I had all sorts of treatments and tests, including a chest X-ray, and was given a new inhailer and some lung steroids. Did I mention I had yet to go to sleep? Yeah. I was up all fucking day today on no sleep, went to the bank, Andy's mom's house, Grant was here I think... I dunno. I passed out at 7pm last night. Now it's 2am, Jeannie woke me up as she was leaving for a quick chat and now it's 3am and I'm awake. God damn it.

I spend all my time now reading and sleeping. It's very peaceful.

AMAZING hockey game tonight. Game 7 of the Cup finals did not disappoint. 2-1. Fucking AMAZING.

Team Firtress 2 is more addictive than any game has the right to be.